I hold your hand, I feel your bones
I’m so mad, but you feel like home
The day you told me our lives crashed
Filled with fear, my memories flash
All the laughs, the Christmas tree
I wonder if you’ll fight for me
You don’t. You didn’t. You never will
My world comes to a standstill
Music plays, familiar but noise
You worry a lot about your boys
I feel your bones, your pale sick skin
I wonder when my grief will begin…
I promised I would be okay
While you dread to see another day
I fought for you, gave it my all
Went home for rest dreading the call
You gave up from the start, I didn’t have a say
‘If you had a baby, I would have a reason to stay’
I wonder if you’ll fight for me
You don’t. You didn’t. You never will
I force upon you another pill
I say goodbye, in silence, in dark
Life and death leaving a forever mark
I promised I would be okay
You cried you lived another day
I let you down, I wasn’t brave
Every breath, I see your chest cave
I wonder if you’ll fight for me
You don’t. You didn’t. You never will
The rooms are empty, fights echo off the wall
While I try to come to terms with it all
You’re fighting, but my mother is dead
Barely cold, a body bag carried from bed
Memories blast like a live grenade
‘They’ say I’m supposed to make lemonade
Destroyed by anxiety, PTSD
My entire life, you never saw me
You never fought
You never will
Every feeling I had treated like a bill
A debt you owed for having me
Guilt stricken, brave I couldn’t be
You left
I fought
You never will
